Gaylympics

Greetings weary traveler as once more I welcome you to seek shelter from the tiresome truths and logic of the real world and to take rest, here in my den of ignorance and bullshit. It's episode 6 or 7 or maybe 8, i'm not really counting, of the Aldershot Woes Again.... Gaylympics. 

The world of sport is growing all the time. Sport started when god made man around 4500 years ago, rival cavemen would use loincloths for goalposts and kick a dinosaur egg around. And where man has not evolved sport certainly has and new sports are created all the time. Some sports are really popular the world over like football or boxing. Other sports like rugby or cricket have been left in the bloody boot-print of the British Empire and as such have international acclaim. Then there are sports only really played in one big nation where the nation is so big that they think that they can throw in a Canadian team and call it a World Series. 

Other sports however are not so popular. Some sports are only played and admired by social outcasts and deviants. Some sports go against god's will and thus incur the wrath the savior and his dad and his ghost. Yes, i am sorry to say that going against the sweaty, barely clothed, heavy breathing, full-on contact, deep impact, grunting and writhing world of man on man, manly , macho heterosexual sporting ethos, some gays like sport. 

And to make it worse, they have taken all of the gayest sports and put them together in a decadent icecapade in liberal girly Russia, and called it the Winter Olympics. 

Like most people who aren't a Duke or the 14th Viscount of Cockinfannington most of the sports in the winter Olympics are new and confusing. They're different and stir up feelings that make you excited but guilty. And therefore are wrong and against the word of the bible. 

Now i'm as open minded as the next UKIP voter and it certainly isn't for me to judge people, that's god job. But the fragrant homosexuality of some of these games is beyond the pale. When I sit down with a cup of Tetley's best of both tea and a Tesco branded value digestive biscuit to watch Grandstand, i do not expect to be forced to contemplate the Freudian imagery of 4 strapping Swedes in Lycra jumpsuits, climb on top of each other and force themselves down a tight pipe in a phallic vessel. I don't want that rammed down my throat.   

At the heart of this affront to the Holy scriptures is the host nation Russia and i think they must be held accountable for there actions. There was once a time when Russian men were the epitome of heterosexuality and proud patriots like Ivan Drago or Zangief from Street Fighter, flew the flag of narrow minded right wing dick in minge hetero-ness. But unfortunately the hot-wash break up of the Soviet Union has faded the proud reds to a girly pink. If liberal mincer Vladimir Putin spent more time directing the morality of his nation and less time bare-backing a horse or shooting his load with young soldiers, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Every four years what is easily the gayest sporting event in the world, including the International Bumming Championships, passes with me not even noticing. It was on the fringe and not reported on by main stream media, and though it was still an abomination, it was at least a quiet one. But Russia kicking the 2014 games off with this whole gay theme has drilled it up the backhole of the public consciousness. And as a result of this, abetted by the liberal media, we have had to endure months of well reasoned arguments for acceptance. The homophobic community has been lambasted and portrayed as retarded hate filled morons who hold unreasonable and illogical viewpoints. In a completely one-sided argument people with irrational hatred for difference have been painted as either small minded morons who form their opinions on 2000 year old books or self hating masochists battling their own latent homosexuality. 

As a small minded bigot I really must say that Russia have done a fine job of highlighting the fact that hating someone based on their sexual orientation makes about as much sense as the Winter Olympics. And for introducing difference, tolerance and the principal of judgment on character over difference to hundreds of young minds before they can be molded by outdated stereotypes, I shall never forgive thee, Mother Russia. 

Putin, i hope you are ready for the fiery judgment that awaits you, you dirty gay lover, you bastion of acceptance, you dictator of dick-taker, you may have done more for international gay rights than anyone. 

So, that was that... just to clarify, i'm actually not a small minded bigot, what i'm saying is, through the vehicle of irony, that Russia's barbaric laws around homosexuality are horrific but have unwittingly acted as a conduit for acceptance... and that the Winter Olympics are really, really, really gay.  

Woe.