The Happy Fun Time Prime Minister Super Hour.

Back again so soon? Unfortunately yes. Thanks to a change in the bullshit stream we are likely to be experiencing extended periods of hogwashery for some time now. So get out the mental sandbags and prepare to defend your mind from the flood waters of ignorance. Its this episode of The Aldershot Woes Again: The Happy Fun Time Prime Minister Super Hour. 

Yesterday in an entirely justified word rage against politics I quipped that the PMQs were as dull as a corduroy pencil case. And just to spite me and make look like an utter ball-bag the news are today reporting that the PMQs are out of control and too darn crazy. The pantomime theatrics are turning people off politics as apparently regular folk don't want to watch a bunch of posho, over privileged, half wits bellow insults at each other, like a remake of Gangs of New York cast entirely with ventriloquist dummies. 

It would be far to easy for people to use their democratic rights to flush these political turds out, instead it would be much more sensible to just change the format and wallpaper over the cracks. With this in mind i would like to put forward 5 ways to jazz up the PMQs. 

1. Prime Ministers Wipeout. 

David Cameron and Ian Milliband each get members of their respective parties to run an embarrassing assault course, in unflattering sports gear. The twelve fastest MPs are progressed to the next round where they must perform more embarrassing tasks whilst Richard Hamster from TV's Top Gear makes inane sarcastic remarks. The 3 MPs who embarrass themselves the most are invited to a final, more elaborate assault course where if they can beat DC's time they get to ask him a question via some vapid Irish eye candy. 

2. Never Mind the Prime Ministers Questions I Have for You this Week. 

Take the forever fresh panel show theme and apply it to PMQs. Each week team captains David Cameron and Nigel Milliband invite on two MP guests and they take it in turns to tee up policy punchlines and answer questions in amusing well rehearsed spontaneous ways. Each week a bad comedian or actor can be the guest Speaker. This idea never ever gets dated.  

3. The Q Factor

Thousands of MPs from across the UK audition to Emily Maitlis, Andrew Marr and the Simon Cowell for grown-ups Jeremy Paxman. The MP's with the most pathetic back stories are forced in to a live final where they are coached by David Cameron or Simon Milliband and have to perform tedious cover versions of old political questions you used to like. Once you have heard all the old questions performed you text vote for your fav MP and the one with the fewest votes is booted off and given an awkward hug by Dermot O'Leary. The last MP left standing is then allowed to ask their question for charity, then you never hear of them ever again. 

4. Politics Street

A fly on the wall look inside Westminster. Each week MPs are shadowed by a camera crew and recorded doing staged activities with actors. After each staged activity plays out with either hilarious or dramatic circumstances the MP then records a video diary question, reflecting on the days events. The videos are then shown to both David Cameron and Oliver Milliband whose reactions are staged and then filmed as if real. 

5. Wednesday Westminster Brunch

Each Wednesday David Cameron and Gorax the Milliband co-host a cooking show, where they exchange genuine bant, and interview an MP in am utterly shambolic and vacuous way. Then the MP is asked their political question "heaven or hell" and viewers are invited to text in and decide which question they get to ask. To end the show David and Gorax face off in a penalty comp and some middle of the road uninteresting music act warbles the shit out of your ears. Roll Credits. 

5 perfectly good ways to get people back involved in the political process. 

So that ends yet another Woe, but why on earth did i write this, and why did you just read it and was it about anything? I suppose if you boiled it down to the bones and drained off the spaz juices, it is a scathing attack on modern politics and how people aren't interested in the content of political rhetoric merely the image of politicians. How politicians are marketable commodities who would rather reach voters by appealing to their whims rather than their needs. And, that telly is pretty shit.  

Woe