Hello America

Like a London bus you wait three years for a new blog and 2 come along at once. Of course the chances of these woes setting on fire is a lot slimmer than those of the bus. And you probably wont get robbed up and happy slapped by some unruly yoot high on Asbos. And if it smells like pee that's on you and not me buddy. Anyway with no further ado, strap yourself in, tell your family you love them and get ready... It's TAWA episode 1 (2) Hello America....

What i just typed was a puddle of numb-skull, it has about as much importance in this universe as Dale Winton's first pube. But it can be read and accessed by everyone in the world who has a computer, and that's like totally everybody these days. I have freely and willingly published it for everyone in the great wide world to access, why i have done this may be perplexing to you, it certainly is to me. But it was my choice to make and i made it. Its here, read it, criticize it, print it out put it on your dart board and pepper it with steel tipped tungsten, it's your information (I know information is probably over-selling it a bit).

However, earlier i may have had an embarrassing conversation over the phone with my doctor, or confessed my undying love to a trucker from Hull called Big Billy, and if either exchange were to be made public it would cast a huge shadow of shame over me and my family. The point being we all have our private lives and the right to protect these private lives. This is true for everybody, it is a right that we do not only deserve but a right that is actually crucial to human nature. We all use secrecy as a survival method, by having the sanctuary of our inner thoughts we are able to deliberate and form opinions (although typically an opinion on some vapid non-important aspect of life, like what's the best flavor Monster Munch). As an extension to our inner sanctum of confidence we occasionally reach a level of trust with another human being and share our private thoughts with them to get a fresh look at a problem or for any number of other valid reasons. We do this safe in the knowledge that our juicy nugget of self is not going to be passed around like a 2 bob brass.

If the modern classic of cinema Liar Liar has taught us anything, and lets be honest it's taught us an absolute bucket of fuck loads about everything, it's that if you remove secrecy from any relationship and operate on a complete platform of honesty, society falls apart... with hilarious consequences.

The reason for that long meandering valley of stupid i just ploughed through is because good old Uncle Sam, 5 Star, VIP, Big Bucks and Cowboy Boots America, has been spying on the world like a creepy voyeuristic Japanese business man in the communal changing rooms of a council run swimming pool. The peeping Tom prick. They've listened to every conversation you have ever had on your phone, read every text you ever sent and printed your most intimate photos and passed them round the office like a 2 bob brass.

Well if you don't have anything to hide you don't have anything to worry about... OK fair enough catching genital herpes from that midget at the fair in't a threat to world peace. But its a quick way to get fired from your job, lose your family, be ridiculed in your community and land a job as a researcher for any television programme made by the BBC in the 1980's.

But i'm sure Uncle Sam isn't interested in the sordid details of the inner lives of the proletariat, so we can all just be super cool about it and relax. No ones blowing the whistle on you or your filthy filthy life, so calm down, cancel the flight to Mexico and put the fire in your office out... were safe.... phew... Apart from the fact were not safe as the CIA/FTA/FBI/MIB have been listening to every world leaders phone for the last cock knows how long, illegally, in an act of gross mistrust and cockery. Angela Merkel, apart from being one swinging sexy dame is proper pissed that shes been bugged. As i imagine are all other world leaders that have been betrayed and spied on. So our hope of a united world moving forward under the flag of peace and understanding has just had a star-striped kick in the bollocks. As a political relationship like any other relationship is doomed to failure if there is no trust. And for all intents and purposes America has just been caught by his wife diddling the bird next door.

Well that concludes the first proper blog, i say proper blog, more like proper shit, WHEEEEEYY.

Woe

Used to do a running Twitter gag about not having twitter, but now i do have twitter so..... erm.... this is awkward..... @defmoss83