123456

Why on earth i continue to do this, is a question i ask myself every time my dumb-addled brain decides to direct my girlish fingers towards a keyboard and start tapping out bullshit about bullshit. Well i am no closer to answering that as I am to understanding the popularity of marmalade - i mean i like it, i'm just surprised you do too? Anyway whatever the reason here i go again, so say your prayers, stay in school and don't take sweets from strangers whilst i bring us episode 3 (4) of the Aldershot Woes Again... 123456. 

If you are reading this blog, you are about to be struck with the rage of knowing you have just lost several points off your IQ and you have wasted a perfectly good 5 minutes you could have spent in a more enjoyable way, like having anal surgery or licking Anne Widdicombe's armpit. But along with the death rage slowing taking over your mind as you sift your way through this field of retardedisms, you have more than likely had to LOG ON to something in order to be here. 

Logging on is all together far to common these days in order to do almost anything you need a username and password. Don't get me wrong i'm not advocating some sort of security boycott, so some common criminal can steal our identities and sell it to fund terrorism, or whatever it is they do to fund terrorism these days. I am thankful of the measures put in place which mean all of my personal information is secure and no dirty member of Joe G Public can fiddle with my data like a frisky teen with his first boob. Only the faceless greedy corporation who own whatever it is i'm logging in to can do that.....oh?

The problem we have is we are encouraged to have different passwords for everything - for our email, our google+ accounts, facebook, twitter, netflix, pornhub, banking, amazon, ebay, turning our computers on pretty much every single technical aspect of our lives - you'll need a 16 character password with at least 1 numerical symbol and 2 capitols just to use the washing machine soon (well your wife will). At anytime we are expected to remember dozens of username variables and passwords just to make it through the day with out relying on tech-support. 

Well, that's how we are supposed to do it, a fresh password for everything... but that's not really how we do it ,is it? My entire life is at the mercy of one solitary password, crack that and i'm up fuck street with my trousers down. And according to Adobe in the wake of their great password bum-up most people are even worse than me. If you haven't read the story the abbreviated version is as follows - Adobe were hacked and some acne ridden keyboard anarchist took the passwords to over 2 million Adobe accounts. In the aftermath of that security breach Adobe have published the most popular passwords and the list includes some howlers... included in its top 20 were the classic "password" the self indulgent "iloveyou" and the Jackson inspired "ABC123". However the number one password of choice was the creative "123456" (closely followed in the number 2 spot by "123456789"). 

Now technophobes and PC literate Daily Mail readers will say this is greatly irresponsible of the end users and anyone who can be so reckless with their security deserves to have their accounts hacked, their dogs shaved and their mothers sent to work in mines. But its not our faults, we already have so much to remember and for every new password we commit to memory we squeeze some useful bit of information out of our brains. Useful footy knowledge or some nugget of TV trivia, the cure to polio, your dads birthday, why you like marmalade, why you don't like Mark Lawrenson, all this hard earned knowledge replaced with the password to your dishwasher (well your wifes). 

What cant be to far in the future is some sort of single sign in status - once your logged in to one your logged in to all, no faffing about or scribbling passwords on postit notes for us. And then not too long after that we can have finger print logins, then as that proves unsafe we'd move on to retina scans, but that would be breached sooner rather than later so in an act of complete online liberation and peace of mind we would have DNA access - AND THEN THEY OWN YOU. 

Well that was pointless and far too long, aren't you glad you logged in for that? A personal shout to Bernard Manning for providing the killer "your wife" material (smashed it Berny you racist unfunny cunt). 

Woe

@defmoss83 its like communication but more inflammatory. 

Brass Monkeys

If you are reading this you are, like me, one of the survivors, the lucky ones, if you can call it luck, surviving that damn storm. Sometimes i think it was those souls we lost who are the real lucky ones. We've been abandoned on this cursed Earth to pick up the remains of whats left of society, to try and raise humanity from the ashes of despair... its episode 2 (3) of TAWA and for no particular reason its about heating bills (yawn).

I'm no expert at consumer pieces, if i'm totally honest when i watch the hilarious Rogue Traders on BBC's award winning consum-o-whinge Watchdog I almost always route for the cowboy. So i am arguably the least qualified person to be writing this. But seeing as how no-ones going to read it i shouldn't worry about that too much.

Before i carry on, let me just defend that last statement. I'm a heartless prick... but that's not the reason i feel the way i do. I do not sympathize with villains, i in no way condone people ripping other people off, or being dis-honest or taking money from those who need it most. That's not my bag at all, i assure you. I just happen to have very little sympathy for morons - and though its by no means a universal truth it is pretty easy to avoid being ripped off. For me, seeing fools parted from their money has an almost Darwinian poetry about it.

We have more consumer avenues than ever, the latest studies show that almost 47% of the internet is consumer reviews. No matter what product or service you require within 10 seconds you can find 3 or 4 reputable suppliers and read detailed reviews on all of them using the google. And it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to realize that if the company you are looking at have no reviews and little to no digital footprint they probably ain't that kosher, so don't use them, bonehead.

Yes, its safe to say that most of the time i have as much sympathy for some gullible buffoon wiring money to Nigeria to free up his inheritance as i do for those chromosomely challenged half-wits who get mauled by Tigers at zoos for leaning over the fence - both shitty things to happen that are entirely avoidable.

But there are some ways in which we all get bamboozled by fleecing con-men, ways where we have no choice about getting diddled or not - we just have to pull our trousers down bend over and hope for the best, even if the best we can hope for is a great big cock of injustice slipped right up the harris. One of the more common forms of forced rube-ing we have to endure is energy prices. We all need electricity and warmth and we are forced to pick from a handful of greasy, crooked, take the slippers off your dead-nan's-feet suppliers.

Its illegal to have a monopoly in any area of business, this is a good thing as it will generate a competitive market, in order for businesses to win greater market share. It is designed to encourage companies to offer better service at greater value in order to get hold of our hard earned spendo. This principal works some of the time however with certain industries it is incredibly hard to generate competition and the energy business is one of these. Its not as if I could start flogging gas using Ebay and a PayPal account is it? (or could I???).

The problem we have with the energy industry is we only have the illusion of a competitive market where as what we really have in reality is a conglomerate of like-minded business men working together to protect a mutual interest. They can carry on raising prices year-on-year as long as they all raise them in harmony. And we are all powerless to stop them, unless we unplug our lives and start living off natural resources like a bunch of stinking hippies. And that's just not a realistic option.

And with half the drug intake, a quarter of the vocabulary and but a mere fraction of the grade A fanny of Russell Brand i've manged to highlight a problem we were all well aware of and offered absolutely no solution other than some unrealistic form of apathy.

Woe.

@defmoss83 i dont twit much (am i saying it right?)

Hello America

Like a London bus you wait three years for a new blog and 2 come along at once. Of course the chances of these woes setting on fire is a lot slimmer than those of the bus. And you probably wont get robbed up and happy slapped by some unruly yoot high on Asbos. And if it smells like pee that's on you and not me buddy. Anyway with no further ado, strap yourself in, tell your family you love them and get ready... It's TAWA episode 1 (2) Hello America....

What i just typed was a puddle of numb-skull, it has about as much importance in this universe as Dale Winton's first pube. But it can be read and accessed by everyone in the world who has a computer, and that's like totally everybody these days. I have freely and willingly published it for everyone in the great wide world to access, why i have done this may be perplexing to you, it certainly is to me. But it was my choice to make and i made it. Its here, read it, criticize it, print it out put it on your dart board and pepper it with steel tipped tungsten, it's your information (I know information is probably over-selling it a bit).

However, earlier i may have had an embarrassing conversation over the phone with my doctor, or confessed my undying love to a trucker from Hull called Big Billy, and if either exchange were to be made public it would cast a huge shadow of shame over me and my family. The point being we all have our private lives and the right to protect these private lives. This is true for everybody, it is a right that we do not only deserve but a right that is actually crucial to human nature. We all use secrecy as a survival method, by having the sanctuary of our inner thoughts we are able to deliberate and form opinions (although typically an opinion on some vapid non-important aspect of life, like what's the best flavor Monster Munch). As an extension to our inner sanctum of confidence we occasionally reach a level of trust with another human being and share our private thoughts with them to get a fresh look at a problem or for any number of other valid reasons. We do this safe in the knowledge that our juicy nugget of self is not going to be passed around like a 2 bob brass.

If the modern classic of cinema Liar Liar has taught us anything, and lets be honest it's taught us an absolute bucket of fuck loads about everything, it's that if you remove secrecy from any relationship and operate on a complete platform of honesty, society falls apart... with hilarious consequences.

The reason for that long meandering valley of stupid i just ploughed through is because good old Uncle Sam, 5 Star, VIP, Big Bucks and Cowboy Boots America, has been spying on the world like a creepy voyeuristic Japanese business man in the communal changing rooms of a council run swimming pool. The peeping Tom prick. They've listened to every conversation you have ever had on your phone, read every text you ever sent and printed your most intimate photos and passed them round the office like a 2 bob brass.

Well if you don't have anything to hide you don't have anything to worry about... OK fair enough catching genital herpes from that midget at the fair in't a threat to world peace. But its a quick way to get fired from your job, lose your family, be ridiculed in your community and land a job as a researcher for any television programme made by the BBC in the 1980's.

But i'm sure Uncle Sam isn't interested in the sordid details of the inner lives of the proletariat, so we can all just be super cool about it and relax. No ones blowing the whistle on you or your filthy filthy life, so calm down, cancel the flight to Mexico and put the fire in your office out... were safe.... phew... Apart from the fact were not safe as the CIA/FTA/FBI/MIB have been listening to every world leaders phone for the last cock knows how long, illegally, in an act of gross mistrust and cockery. Angela Merkel, apart from being one swinging sexy dame is proper pissed that shes been bugged. As i imagine are all other world leaders that have been betrayed and spied on. So our hope of a united world moving forward under the flag of peace and understanding has just had a star-striped kick in the bollocks. As a political relationship like any other relationship is doomed to failure if there is no trust. And for all intents and purposes America has just been caught by his wife diddling the bird next door.

Well that concludes the first proper blog, i say proper blog, more like proper shit, WHEEEEEYY.

Woe

Used to do a running Twitter gag about not having twitter, but now i do have twitter so..... erm.... this is awkward..... @defmoss83

The Rebeginining

Well its certainly been a while,  my how things have changed, last time i was blogging computers were all made out of wood and powered by oil. Now look at us, hovering around on i-float 6's eating digital crisps and enjoying a wider range of online grumble than at any point in mans history - Darwin would be proud as shit.

First off, if your unfortunate enough to happen on this half-arsed festival of ignorance you had better know the back story. Well first off there is me, i'm a mush from the delightful garrison town of Aldershot, this takes care of the geographical aspects of my blogs title. Second of all there is what i type, a cocktail of dumbness shaken in a cup of retarded glass and served in a mug of double-you-tea-eff. Third of all there is the point to this back story.

I have always been an absurd human being, and due to some level of schadenfreude on my part i used to write down my thoughts and publish them in a blog. Some people read it, probably as part of some great study in to incoherent jibberings. Most people ignored it, and who can blame them. Anyway, this blog was called the Aldershot Woes and basically it was my curmudgeonly thoughts on some story i had read or some tepid life experience i had partaken in. Anyway that's the back story, and to summarize i used to write a blog called the Aldershot Woes, its just me thinking about stuff but with words and not thoughts and now i am going to do that again for no good reason.

So then, that concludes the first chapter of this new series of blogs, The Aldershot Woes Again. That's about the standard you can expect, i'm no Dave Shakespeare. I'll keep writing them though and you will notice they will follow the same structure, be of little interest to anyone and leave you feeling dirty inside, you know that feeling you have right after the hooker dies and your adrenalin drops.... wait.... what?

Woe.