As January draws to a close and flood waters rise around our ankles I would like to invite you to spend your last moments, before embracing the watery death that awaits us all, reading this hogwash... It's episode 6 of the Aldershot Woes Again... Eerie Indiana.
If movies have taught me anything, and they have taught me everything, when something goes down, its in America. From Starman to Taylor Swift and from Close Encounters to Ghost Busters if any sort of other world shenanigans is going to take place it's going to be in good old Uncle Sam's back yard. It was because of this it came as absolutely no surprise to me that the bloody Devil, old red cock himself, Satan the great bastard has shown up in the worlds number one nation the U to the S to the do-you-want-fries-with-that A.
The Devil though being a right sneaky bastard and of questionable moral fiber has taken over a woman's children. Unlike the movie The Omen, where, yes granted, the devil made his appearance in England, but via the rugged American loins of Gregory Peck, rather than choosing the child of an influential statesman, he has instead cunningly picked the children of an ignorant hick.
Now i would imagine most of you have chosen the path of eternal damnation and don't believe in Jesus or Moses or any of that other brilliant god stuff. You're probably thinking that this is just the kind of deluded bible bullshit you hear about all the time, the irrational ramblings of a mad old bitch forcing her warped ignorant beliefs on her poor stupid and probably ugly children. Well this is where things take a turn for the interesting and you reach for the Gideon's.
This particular possession has been verified by those bastions of morality, honesty and integrity the American Police. If movies have taught me anything, and they have taught me everything, the American Police are the greatest. From John McClain to Frank Drebin American cops are the queen's corgi's cock. They fight corruption, racial intolerance, ignorance and unwarranted violence. If i'm honest if anyone other than an American policeman had verified this, I too would have written it off as the inane dribble of a festering repugnant religious zealot, that should absolutely not be reported on as it serves no purpose than to further delude ignorant morons with superstitious mulch. However as it was a story that children had been possessed by the devil full of eye-witness reports of supernatural goings on that had been rubber stamped by an American policeman, i'm very glad it was reported on in the national press. The return of the devil is clearly a matter of great public interest.
I should imagine than some of you will still not be fully convinced, because if movies have taught me anything, and they've taught me everything, small town American cops can sometimes be utter dicks. Like in Rambo. But if you study the revelations to Moses by god on Mount Senai, the coming of Jesus in Bethlehem or the birth of the Prophet Mohammed in Mecca, all of these events took place in what was, at the time, the least educated and most backwards part of the world. So if a deity was going to make a come back, Gary Indiana would be as good a place as any. Also it's only an Illinois away from the Mormon garden of Eden Missouri, and if you were the devil it would make sense that Missouri would be one of the first places you destroyed.
Anyway, there you have it a ridiculous story about a silly American who believes in demons and possessions. Let's all sit around and laugh at this stupid woman HAHAHA. That stupid woman and her kids who in all likelihood have serious mental illness that isn't going to get treated. Those starred and striped bone heads. Lets all get a good chuckle fix at these backtarded hicks while they practice there baffling religion. I mean its not as if making a big deal of theses kind of stories actually encourages religious zealots to abandon logic and misinterpret a child's medical condition as a demonic possession and then hide behind faith to justify horrendous child abuse. That is unlikely to happen despite it actually being quite common.
The story...
Woe
@defmoss83
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Monday, 27 January 2014
Hacksploitation
Hello, and welcome once more to the pointless meandering shit that is my blog The Aldershot Woes Again. A body of work that is on one hand completely full of bollocks and on the other bereft of anything that even comes close to resembling coherent thought. But you're here now so might as well read it. The Aldershot Woes again (TAWA) episode #? - Hacksploitation.
In places like North Korea or the Peoples Republic of Commy China or one the many terrorist 'Stan nations journalism is a state run industry. This means that whoever controls the government also controls the information that is passed to the people. Which of course means a system of propaganda and agenda lead misdirection, favoring the ruling and undermining and silencing it's critics. I think that many of you would agree, that is a far from ideal situation.
In sensible English speaking nations such as England or The U.S or Canada, there is such a thing as "the freedom of the press". This means that good old Johnny Journo can print any story he likes about the current government, so long as it proves to be in the public interest. This means that if a politician or state official does something that may be detrimental to the well being of the nation or body that person represents, and therefore may cast aspersions on said nation or body, said incident is reported on, without regard for the consequences. I think that many of you would agree, that is not at all far from an ideal situation.
Now however western journalism, at least in the United Kingdom has come to a cross roads. Depending on what happens with the phone hacking scandal, it will either walk proudly on in it's noble quest for truth, or it will be coerced into submission and silenced by the stomping jack boot of an Orwellian government... Some powerful political imagery I want you to dwell on there for just a second...
Our proud boys and girls of the British tabloid press have for decades risked life and limb to bring us, the Great British public, the real stories of interest each and every Sunday. And not the soft suffering of people in foreign lands (not our problem anyway) or the fluffy corruption of big business (if Starbucks are evil, then why do they sell duffins, my favorite portmanteau snack?). Oh no, these restless renegades of the red-tops brought us stories that weren't always easy to hear. These proud purveyors of paper and pun didn't protect us from the truth when it reared it's ugly head. Where featherweight "journalists" like Pilger or Hitchens dare not tread, these freedom fighters of Fleet Street danced with disregard to bring us, the Great British public, the hard hitting truths. Shattering our illusion of freedom and decimating our very sense of being.
Who could ever forget the harrowing affairs of Jude Law when his then girlfriend, tepid actress and attractive vacuum Sienna Miller may or mat not have cheated on him. Or the brutal time when Mick Jagger's daughter may or may not have had sex in a night club.
Stories that touch us like that don't come around very often, stories that change a nation and shape its people. Real, genuine, hard hitting tales that strike a resonance with us, the Great British public. And through out them all the tabloid media has been there, to hold us, to wrap its papery blanket of righteousness around us and tell us that it's going to be OK.
But now, all of that could be coming to an end.
I ask you honestly, can you really condemn a tabloid paper for its spurious ethics? Have we fallen so far through the looking glass that we expect our journalists to employ morality and personal emotion to the way they report truth. Can you really sit there and tell me, that truth and fact are objective? What we, the GREAT BRITISH public, demand is no less than concentrated honesty. Unlike Communist countries or militant dictatorships who have there "news" diluted by the fear of repercussion, we are blessed to live in a land where any of our 4 tabloid national dailies can print a story about a rather shit actor who may be being cheated on by his rather shit actress girlfriend without fear of being shot in the face or locked in a tower.
I think we all agree the work of our tabloid press is important and for the good of humanity must continue. But I also understand that in the eyes of many the red-tops crossed a moral and ethical boundary. But I stress this to you, ethics and journalism have no place together. The very moment you enter something as objective as ethics in to a story you have lost its sincerity. The moment emotion intrudes on fact, verity is lost. Were they right to hack the phones of Milly Dowler's grieving family in order to spoon feed sentimental mush down the throats of its readers and long out a horrific incident for no other reason than to increase it's readership by playing on the heart-strings of caring people in a fashion so gross that it turns even the strongest of stomachs... arguably no. But they did it in an attempt to bring us truth, and truth is all that matters to the noblemen of the tabloid table.
I leave you with this, is it right to cut open the chest of another man? "Why no, of course not" i hear you say... well what if your a surgeon and you're performing open heart surgery? Makes you think don't it.
Woe.
@defmoss83
Wednesday, 22 January 2014
The Twats That Twit
Well its been awhile hasn't it, I was going to just not bother anymore, as i have such a deficit of talent for writing. But given today's social media outrage i have decided that regardless of a lack of intelligence and requisite ability to formulate ideas into cohesive passages of thought, that i would once more don the cap of ignorance and re-re-reintroduce the Aldershot Woes (again). So it is with great pleasure i present episode something of TAWA... The Twats That Twit.
Twitter, on one hand a tool that allows popular thought and opinion to flourish. A public outlet of free-thought and ideas that is not censored or controlled by any media body or government and is seemingly free of agenda. A true vehicle of cultural democracy. But on the other hand... a weapon for hate filled morons to anonymously and surreptitiously fling the dung of fear and disdain at anyone they chose. Safe in the knowledge that they can remain cozy and safe behind the screens of their i-Phones.
I should like to point out to anyone who is now drawing a comparison between my damnation of web-based hatred and keyboard cowardice and the hate filled blog i write on the web safely behind my keyboard, that i use a laptop and not an iPhone, because i'm old school... But seriously, i'm aware of the irony, that's kind of the point of it.
There have been many cases recently of this hatred in 140 or less characters resulting in police action and prosecution. The most notable of late are 2 beastly looking creatures from the North (typical) who appear to take "trolling" so seriously that they have both been able to incorporate the idea into their appearance. Their digital beef was with feminist Caroline Ciado-Perez for working to have Jane Austen as the new "face" of the good old £10 note, replacing bearded botherer of creationism Charles Darwin. These 2 tweeeters were such avid fans of Mr Darwin's work that rather than traditional feminist ribbing (you know classic lesbo jokes and invitations to "get back in the kitchen!" Hilarious) this abuse took a rather dark and rapey twist. However the pair have now pleaded guilty to being a couple of dicks and are to be sentenced to some prison time or a fine or something. The ultimate irony of the pairs tweet's, an example of which is "I've only just got out of prison and would happily do more time to see you berried!" is that these 2 cast a shadow of doubt over Darwin's entire body of work... can such people really be the result of 4.6 billion years of evolution?
I had in my naivety considered the trolling problem to be one only perpetrated by social out-cast's and nerd's. Claiming a dominance over the digital playground they never had in the physical one. But today has shown that even the most level headed of people can resort to using Twitter to deliver irrational hatred. I am sorry to report this, but it looks like even good old footy fans have been micro-blogging bullshit. The most recent victim of large scale twit-buse is Stan Collymore, i know what your thinking, there are hundreds of really good reasons to smear hatred over Stan Collymore, he probably deserved it. Well you would be right, but also really really wrong.
The reason Stan Collymore is getting horrific,.nasty, racist, threatening, abominable abuse is he suggested Luis Suarez may have gone down a bit easy to win a penalty... Both jokes aside, when you are so involved in your football team that when an experienced ex-player for your club damns you with faint and justified criticism you think that death threats and racism are a justified course of action, you really need help.
In Collymore's defense he messaged Twitter directly and rather eloquently (especially when confined to the laws of twitter) asked why they were not doing more to combat this problem and why so many people were left free to bombard other people with the worst, vitriolic hate messages imaginable. Despite it actually being in contravene to the laws of the nation. So far Twitter are yet to respond, but in fairness it must be pretty hard to reasonably debate the complexities of free speech versus social responsibility within the confines of the 140 character system.
And what do i think, well... I am an advocate of the freedom of speech, i think people should be free to say literally whatever they want. However i also hope that as a people we enlighten and educate ourselves to the position whereby even though people CAN say whatever they want...they are able to formulate an argument based on reason and honesty and have no need to fall back on the dark, the racist or the rapey, in order to get a message across.
woe...
@defmoss83 (bring the hatred, you pussies)
Twitter, on one hand a tool that allows popular thought and opinion to flourish. A public outlet of free-thought and ideas that is not censored or controlled by any media body or government and is seemingly free of agenda. A true vehicle of cultural democracy. But on the other hand... a weapon for hate filled morons to anonymously and surreptitiously fling the dung of fear and disdain at anyone they chose. Safe in the knowledge that they can remain cozy and safe behind the screens of their i-Phones.
I should like to point out to anyone who is now drawing a comparison between my damnation of web-based hatred and keyboard cowardice and the hate filled blog i write on the web safely behind my keyboard, that i use a laptop and not an iPhone, because i'm old school... But seriously, i'm aware of the irony, that's kind of the point of it.
There have been many cases recently of this hatred in 140 or less characters resulting in police action and prosecution. The most notable of late are 2 beastly looking creatures from the North (typical) who appear to take "trolling" so seriously that they have both been able to incorporate the idea into their appearance. Their digital beef was with feminist Caroline Ciado-Perez for working to have Jane Austen as the new "face" of the good old £10 note, replacing bearded botherer of creationism Charles Darwin. These 2 tweeeters were such avid fans of Mr Darwin's work that rather than traditional feminist ribbing (you know classic lesbo jokes and invitations to "get back in the kitchen!" Hilarious) this abuse took a rather dark and rapey twist. However the pair have now pleaded guilty to being a couple of dicks and are to be sentenced to some prison time or a fine or something. The ultimate irony of the pairs tweet's, an example of which is "I've only just got out of prison and would happily do more time to see you berried!" is that these 2 cast a shadow of doubt over Darwin's entire body of work... can such people really be the result of 4.6 billion years of evolution?
I had in my naivety considered the trolling problem to be one only perpetrated by social out-cast's and nerd's. Claiming a dominance over the digital playground they never had in the physical one. But today has shown that even the most level headed of people can resort to using Twitter to deliver irrational hatred. I am sorry to report this, but it looks like even good old footy fans have been micro-blogging bullshit. The most recent victim of large scale twit-buse is Stan Collymore, i know what your thinking, there are hundreds of really good reasons to smear hatred over Stan Collymore, he probably deserved it. Well you would be right, but also really really wrong.
The reason Stan Collymore is getting horrific,.nasty, racist, threatening, abominable abuse is he suggested Luis Suarez may have gone down a bit easy to win a penalty... Both jokes aside, when you are so involved in your football team that when an experienced ex-player for your club damns you with faint and justified criticism you think that death threats and racism are a justified course of action, you really need help.
In Collymore's defense he messaged Twitter directly and rather eloquently (especially when confined to the laws of twitter) asked why they were not doing more to combat this problem and why so many people were left free to bombard other people with the worst, vitriolic hate messages imaginable. Despite it actually being in contravene to the laws of the nation. So far Twitter are yet to respond, but in fairness it must be pretty hard to reasonably debate the complexities of free speech versus social responsibility within the confines of the 140 character system.
And what do i think, well... I am an advocate of the freedom of speech, i think people should be free to say literally whatever they want. However i also hope that as a people we enlighten and educate ourselves to the position whereby even though people CAN say whatever they want...they are able to formulate an argument based on reason and honesty and have no need to fall back on the dark, the racist or the rapey, in order to get a message across.
woe...
@defmoss83 (bring the hatred, you pussies)
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
123456
Why on earth i continue to do this, is a question i ask myself every time my dumb-addled brain decides to direct my girlish fingers towards a keyboard and start tapping out bullshit about bullshit. Well i am no closer to answering that as I am to understanding the popularity of marmalade - i mean i like it, i'm just surprised you do too? Anyway whatever the reason here i go again, so say your prayers, stay in school and don't take sweets from strangers whilst i bring us episode 3 (4) of the Aldershot Woes Again... 123456.
If you are reading this blog, you are about to be struck with the rage of knowing you have just lost several points off your IQ and you have wasted a perfectly good 5 minutes you could have spent in a more enjoyable way, like having anal surgery or licking Anne Widdicombe's armpit. But along with the death rage slowing taking over your mind as you sift your way through this field of retardedisms, you have more than likely had to LOG ON to something in order to be here.
Logging on is all together far to common these days in order to do almost anything you need a username and password. Don't get me wrong i'm not advocating some sort of security boycott, so some common criminal can steal our identities and sell it to fund terrorism, or whatever it is they do to fund terrorism these days. I am thankful of the measures put in place which mean all of my personal information is secure and no dirty member of Joe G Public can fiddle with my data like a frisky teen with his first boob. Only the faceless greedy corporation who own whatever it is i'm logging in to can do that.....oh?
The problem we have is we are encouraged to have different passwords for everything - for our email, our google+ accounts, facebook, twitter, netflix, pornhub, banking, amazon, ebay, turning our computers on pretty much every single technical aspect of our lives - you'll need a 16 character password with at least 1 numerical symbol and 2 capitols just to use the washing machine soon (well your wife will). At anytime we are expected to remember dozens of username variables and passwords just to make it through the day with out relying on tech-support.
Well, that's how we are supposed to do it, a fresh password for everything... but that's not really how we do it ,is it? My entire life is at the mercy of one solitary password, crack that and i'm up fuck street with my trousers down. And according to Adobe in the wake of their great password bum-up most people are even worse than me. If you haven't read the story the abbreviated version is as follows - Adobe were hacked and some acne ridden keyboard anarchist took the passwords to over 2 million Adobe accounts. In the aftermath of that security breach Adobe have published the most popular passwords and the list includes some howlers... included in its top 20 were the classic "password" the self indulgent "iloveyou" and the Jackson inspired "ABC123". However the number one password of choice was the creative "123456" (closely followed in the number 2 spot by "123456789").
Now technophobes and PC literate Daily Mail readers will say this is greatly irresponsible of the end users and anyone who can be so reckless with their security deserves to have their accounts hacked, their dogs shaved and their mothers sent to work in mines. But its not our faults, we already have so much to remember and for every new password we commit to memory we squeeze some useful bit of information out of our brains. Useful footy knowledge or some nugget of TV trivia, the cure to polio, your dads birthday, why you like marmalade, why you don't like Mark Lawrenson, all this hard earned knowledge replaced with the password to your dishwasher (well your wifes).
What cant be to far in the future is some sort of single sign in status - once your logged in to one your logged in to all, no faffing about or scribbling passwords on postit notes for us. And then not too long after that we can have finger print logins, then as that proves unsafe we'd move on to retina scans, but that would be breached sooner rather than later so in an act of complete online liberation and peace of mind we would have DNA access - AND THEN THEY OWN YOU.
Well that was pointless and far too long, aren't you glad you logged in for that? A personal shout to Bernard Manning for providing the killer "your wife" material (smashed it Berny you racist unfunny cunt).
Woe
@defmoss83 its like communication but more inflammatory.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013
Brass Monkeys
If you are reading this you are, like me, one of the survivors, the lucky ones, if you can call it luck, surviving that damn storm. Sometimes i think it was those souls we lost who are the real lucky ones. We've been abandoned on this cursed Earth to pick up the remains of whats left of society, to try and raise humanity from the ashes of despair... its episode 2 (3) of TAWA and for no particular reason its about heating bills (yawn).
I'm no expert at consumer pieces, if i'm totally honest when i watch the hilarious Rogue Traders on BBC's award winning consum-o-whinge Watchdog I almost always route for the cowboy. So i am arguably the least qualified person to be writing this. But seeing as how no-ones going to read it i shouldn't worry about that too much.
Before i carry on, let me just defend that last statement. I'm a heartless prick... but that's not the reason i feel the way i do. I do not sympathize with villains, i in no way condone people ripping other people off, or being dis-honest or taking money from those who need it most. That's not my bag at all, i assure you. I just happen to have very little sympathy for morons - and though its by no means a universal truth it is pretty easy to avoid being ripped off. For me, seeing fools parted from their money has an almost Darwinian poetry about it.
We have more consumer avenues than ever, the latest studies show that almost 47% of the internet is consumer reviews. No matter what product or service you require within 10 seconds you can find 3 or 4 reputable suppliers and read detailed reviews on all of them using the google. And it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to realize that if the company you are looking at have no reviews and little to no digital footprint they probably ain't that kosher, so don't use them, bonehead.
Yes, its safe to say that most of the time i have as much sympathy for some gullible buffoon wiring money to Nigeria to free up his inheritance as i do for those chromosomely challenged half-wits who get mauled by Tigers at zoos for leaning over the fence - both shitty things to happen that are entirely avoidable.
But there are some ways in which we all get bamboozled by fleecing con-men, ways where we have no choice about getting diddled or not - we just have to pull our trousers down bend over and hope for the best, even if the best we can hope for is a great big cock of injustice slipped right up the harris. One of the more common forms of forced rube-ing we have to endure is energy prices. We all need electricity and warmth and we are forced to pick from a handful of greasy, crooked, take the slippers off your dead-nan's-feet suppliers.
Its illegal to have a monopoly in any area of business, this is a good thing as it will generate a competitive market, in order for businesses to win greater market share. It is designed to encourage companies to offer better service at greater value in order to get hold of our hard earned spendo. This principal works some of the time however with certain industries it is incredibly hard to generate competition and the energy business is one of these. Its not as if I could start flogging gas using Ebay and a PayPal account is it? (or could I???).
The problem we have with the energy industry is we only have the illusion of a competitive market where as what we really have in reality is a conglomerate of like-minded business men working together to protect a mutual interest. They can carry on raising prices year-on-year as long as they all raise them in harmony. And we are all powerless to stop them, unless we unplug our lives and start living off natural resources like a bunch of stinking hippies. And that's just not a realistic option.
And with half the drug intake, a quarter of the vocabulary and but a mere fraction of the grade A fanny of Russell Brand i've manged to highlight a problem we were all well aware of and offered absolutely no solution other than some unrealistic form of apathy.
Woe.
@defmoss83 i dont twit much (am i saying it right?)
I'm no expert at consumer pieces, if i'm totally honest when i watch the hilarious Rogue Traders on BBC's award winning consum-o-whinge Watchdog I almost always route for the cowboy. So i am arguably the least qualified person to be writing this. But seeing as how no-ones going to read it i shouldn't worry about that too much.
Before i carry on, let me just defend that last statement. I'm a heartless prick... but that's not the reason i feel the way i do. I do not sympathize with villains, i in no way condone people ripping other people off, or being dis-honest or taking money from those who need it most. That's not my bag at all, i assure you. I just happen to have very little sympathy for morons - and though its by no means a universal truth it is pretty easy to avoid being ripped off. For me, seeing fools parted from their money has an almost Darwinian poetry about it.
We have more consumer avenues than ever, the latest studies show that almost 47% of the internet is consumer reviews. No matter what product or service you require within 10 seconds you can find 3 or 4 reputable suppliers and read detailed reviews on all of them using the google. And it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to realize that if the company you are looking at have no reviews and little to no digital footprint they probably ain't that kosher, so don't use them, bonehead.
Yes, its safe to say that most of the time i have as much sympathy for some gullible buffoon wiring money to Nigeria to free up his inheritance as i do for those chromosomely challenged half-wits who get mauled by Tigers at zoos for leaning over the fence - both shitty things to happen that are entirely avoidable.
But there are some ways in which we all get bamboozled by fleecing con-men, ways where we have no choice about getting diddled or not - we just have to pull our trousers down bend over and hope for the best, even if the best we can hope for is a great big cock of injustice slipped right up the harris. One of the more common forms of forced rube-ing we have to endure is energy prices. We all need electricity and warmth and we are forced to pick from a handful of greasy, crooked, take the slippers off your dead-nan's-feet suppliers.
Its illegal to have a monopoly in any area of business, this is a good thing as it will generate a competitive market, in order for businesses to win greater market share. It is designed to encourage companies to offer better service at greater value in order to get hold of our hard earned spendo. This principal works some of the time however with certain industries it is incredibly hard to generate competition and the energy business is one of these. Its not as if I could start flogging gas using Ebay and a PayPal account is it? (or could I???).
The problem we have with the energy industry is we only have the illusion of a competitive market where as what we really have in reality is a conglomerate of like-minded business men working together to protect a mutual interest. They can carry on raising prices year-on-year as long as they all raise them in harmony. And we are all powerless to stop them, unless we unplug our lives and start living off natural resources like a bunch of stinking hippies. And that's just not a realistic option.
And with half the drug intake, a quarter of the vocabulary and but a mere fraction of the grade A fanny of Russell Brand i've manged to highlight a problem we were all well aware of and offered absolutely no solution other than some unrealistic form of apathy.
Woe.
@defmoss83 i dont twit much (am i saying it right?)
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Hello America
Like a London bus you wait three years for a new blog and 2 come along at once. Of course the chances of these woes setting on fire is a lot slimmer than those of the bus. And you probably wont get robbed up and happy slapped by some unruly yoot high on Asbos. And if it smells like pee that's on you and not me buddy. Anyway with no further ado, strap yourself in, tell your family you love them and get ready... It's TAWA episode 1 (2) Hello America....
What i just typed was a puddle of numb-skull, it has about as much importance in this universe as Dale Winton's first pube. But it can be read and accessed by everyone in the world who has a computer, and that's like totally everybody these days. I have freely and willingly published it for everyone in the great wide world to access, why i have done this may be perplexing to you, it certainly is to me. But it was my choice to make and i made it. Its here, read it, criticize it, print it out put it on your dart board and pepper it with steel tipped tungsten, it's your information (I know information is probably over-selling it a bit).
However, earlier i may have had an embarrassing conversation over the phone with my doctor, or confessed my undying love to a trucker from Hull called Big Billy, and if either exchange were to be made public it would cast a huge shadow of shame over me and my family. The point being we all have our private lives and the right to protect these private lives. This is true for everybody, it is a right that we do not only deserve but a right that is actually crucial to human nature. We all use secrecy as a survival method, by having the sanctuary of our inner thoughts we are able to deliberate and form opinions (although typically an opinion on some vapid non-important aspect of life, like what's the best flavor Monster Munch). As an extension to our inner sanctum of confidence we occasionally reach a level of trust with another human being and share our private thoughts with them to get a fresh look at a problem or for any number of other valid reasons. We do this safe in the knowledge that our juicy nugget of self is not going to be passed around like a 2 bob brass.
If the modern classic of cinema Liar Liar has taught us anything, and lets be honest it's taught us an absolute bucket of fuck loads about everything, it's that if you remove secrecy from any relationship and operate on a complete platform of honesty, society falls apart... with hilarious consequences.
The reason for that long meandering valley of stupid i just ploughed through is because good old Uncle Sam, 5 Star, VIP, Big Bucks and Cowboy Boots America, has been spying on the world like a creepy voyeuristic Japanese business man in the communal changing rooms of a council run swimming pool. The peeping Tom prick. They've listened to every conversation you have ever had on your phone, read every text you ever sent and printed your most intimate photos and passed them round the office like a 2 bob brass.
Well if you don't have anything to hide you don't have anything to worry about... OK fair enough catching genital herpes from that midget at the fair in't a threat to world peace. But its a quick way to get fired from your job, lose your family, be ridiculed in your community and land a job as a researcher for any television programme made by the BBC in the 1980's.
But i'm sure Uncle Sam isn't interested in the sordid details of the inner lives of the proletariat, so we can all just be super cool about it and relax. No ones blowing the whistle on you or your filthy filthy life, so calm down, cancel the flight to Mexico and put the fire in your office out... were safe.... phew... Apart from the fact were not safe as the CIA/FTA/FBI/MIB have been listening to every world leaders phone for the last cock knows how long, illegally, in an act of gross mistrust and cockery. Angela Merkel, apart from being one swinging sexy dame is proper pissed that shes been bugged. As i imagine are all other world leaders that have been betrayed and spied on. So our hope of a united world moving forward under the flag of peace and understanding has just had a star-striped kick in the bollocks. As a political relationship like any other relationship is doomed to failure if there is no trust. And for all intents and purposes America has just been caught by his wife diddling the bird next door.
Well that concludes the first proper blog, i say proper blog, more like proper shit, WHEEEEEYY.
Woe
Used to do a running Twitter gag about not having twitter, but now i do have twitter so..... erm.... this is awkward..... @defmoss83
What i just typed was a puddle of numb-skull, it has about as much importance in this universe as Dale Winton's first pube. But it can be read and accessed by everyone in the world who has a computer, and that's like totally everybody these days. I have freely and willingly published it for everyone in the great wide world to access, why i have done this may be perplexing to you, it certainly is to me. But it was my choice to make and i made it. Its here, read it, criticize it, print it out put it on your dart board and pepper it with steel tipped tungsten, it's your information (I know information is probably over-selling it a bit).
However, earlier i may have had an embarrassing conversation over the phone with my doctor, or confessed my undying love to a trucker from Hull called Big Billy, and if either exchange were to be made public it would cast a huge shadow of shame over me and my family. The point being we all have our private lives and the right to protect these private lives. This is true for everybody, it is a right that we do not only deserve but a right that is actually crucial to human nature. We all use secrecy as a survival method, by having the sanctuary of our inner thoughts we are able to deliberate and form opinions (although typically an opinion on some vapid non-important aspect of life, like what's the best flavor Monster Munch). As an extension to our inner sanctum of confidence we occasionally reach a level of trust with another human being and share our private thoughts with them to get a fresh look at a problem or for any number of other valid reasons. We do this safe in the knowledge that our juicy nugget of self is not going to be passed around like a 2 bob brass.
If the modern classic of cinema Liar Liar has taught us anything, and lets be honest it's taught us an absolute bucket of fuck loads about everything, it's that if you remove secrecy from any relationship and operate on a complete platform of honesty, society falls apart... with hilarious consequences.
The reason for that long meandering valley of stupid i just ploughed through is because good old Uncle Sam, 5 Star, VIP, Big Bucks and Cowboy Boots America, has been spying on the world like a creepy voyeuristic Japanese business man in the communal changing rooms of a council run swimming pool. The peeping Tom prick. They've listened to every conversation you have ever had on your phone, read every text you ever sent and printed your most intimate photos and passed them round the office like a 2 bob brass.
Well if you don't have anything to hide you don't have anything to worry about... OK fair enough catching genital herpes from that midget at the fair in't a threat to world peace. But its a quick way to get fired from your job, lose your family, be ridiculed in your community and land a job as a researcher for any television programme made by the BBC in the 1980's.
But i'm sure Uncle Sam isn't interested in the sordid details of the inner lives of the proletariat, so we can all just be super cool about it and relax. No ones blowing the whistle on you or your filthy filthy life, so calm down, cancel the flight to Mexico and put the fire in your office out... were safe.... phew... Apart from the fact were not safe as the CIA/FTA/FBI/MIB have been listening to every world leaders phone for the last cock knows how long, illegally, in an act of gross mistrust and cockery. Angela Merkel, apart from being one swinging sexy dame is proper pissed that shes been bugged. As i imagine are all other world leaders that have been betrayed and spied on. So our hope of a united world moving forward under the flag of peace and understanding has just had a star-striped kick in the bollocks. As a political relationship like any other relationship is doomed to failure if there is no trust. And for all intents and purposes America has just been caught by his wife diddling the bird next door.
Well that concludes the first proper blog, i say proper blog, more like proper shit, WHEEEEEYY.
Woe
Used to do a running Twitter gag about not having twitter, but now i do have twitter so..... erm.... this is awkward..... @defmoss83
The Rebeginining
Well its certainly been a while, my how things have changed, last time i was blogging computers were all made out of wood and powered by oil. Now look at us, hovering around on i-float 6's eating digital crisps and enjoying a wider range of online grumble than at any point in mans history - Darwin would be proud as shit.
First off, if your unfortunate enough to happen on this half-arsed festival of ignorance you had better know the back story. Well first off there is me, i'm a mush from the delightful garrison town of Aldershot, this takes care of the geographical aspects of my blogs title. Second of all there is what i type, a cocktail of dumbness shaken in a cup of retarded glass and served in a mug of double-you-tea-eff. Third of all there is the point to this back story.
I have always been an absurd human being, and due to some level of schadenfreude on my part i used to write down my thoughts and publish them in a blog. Some people read it, probably as part of some great study in to incoherent jibberings. Most people ignored it, and who can blame them. Anyway, this blog was called the Aldershot Woes and basically it was my curmudgeonly thoughts on some story i had read or some tepid life experience i had partaken in. Anyway that's the back story, and to summarize i used to write a blog called the Aldershot Woes, its just me thinking about stuff but with words and not thoughts and now i am going to do that again for no good reason.
So then, that concludes the first chapter of this new series of blogs, The Aldershot Woes Again. That's about the standard you can expect, i'm no Dave Shakespeare. I'll keep writing them though and you will notice they will follow the same structure, be of little interest to anyone and leave you feeling dirty inside, you know that feeling you have right after the hooker dies and your adrenalin drops.... wait.... what?
Woe.
First off, if your unfortunate enough to happen on this half-arsed festival of ignorance you had better know the back story. Well first off there is me, i'm a mush from the delightful garrison town of Aldershot, this takes care of the geographical aspects of my blogs title. Second of all there is what i type, a cocktail of dumbness shaken in a cup of retarded glass and served in a mug of double-you-tea-eff. Third of all there is the point to this back story.
I have always been an absurd human being, and due to some level of schadenfreude on my part i used to write down my thoughts and publish them in a blog. Some people read it, probably as part of some great study in to incoherent jibberings. Most people ignored it, and who can blame them. Anyway, this blog was called the Aldershot Woes and basically it was my curmudgeonly thoughts on some story i had read or some tepid life experience i had partaken in. Anyway that's the back story, and to summarize i used to write a blog called the Aldershot Woes, its just me thinking about stuff but with words and not thoughts and now i am going to do that again for no good reason.
So then, that concludes the first chapter of this new series of blogs, The Aldershot Woes Again. That's about the standard you can expect, i'm no Dave Shakespeare. I'll keep writing them though and you will notice they will follow the same structure, be of little interest to anyone and leave you feeling dirty inside, you know that feeling you have right after the hooker dies and your adrenalin drops.... wait.... what?
Woe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)